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I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
But a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook;
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
About the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
To others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
At any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
Admitting I'm lost.
I don't forget
An important date.
You just gotta deal with it;
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
With lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
To remember the score.
I won't lose my hair;
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a b*tch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear -
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
but jewelry's best.
Would you look at my face,
Not at my chest!
I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying;
you look at the ceiling.
Don't call me a girl,
A babe or a chick.
I am a WOMAN,
Get it, you prick?
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